Suddenly, the word came that Pedyr had taken a turn for the worse. He had had an adverse reaction to his fifth session of chemotherapy. Three weeks later, Pedyr passed away. On 25 June, we attended with many others his funeral at Treswithian Downs crematorium.
This blog-post is my tribute to Pedyr through the paintings and poetry of his wife, the St Ives artist Mary Fletcher. Mary has expressed her grieving through these images created on her iPad and in the words of her poems. I hold these images and word in high regard and am so pleased to play my part in helping them reach a wider audience.
I wake alone
heart thumping
pain through all my veins
wobbly
uncertain
likely to pitch over
can't drive
can't survive
can't see a way
without you and don't want to
Grief won't kill me though
I asked it to.
Bagatelle.
In love for so long, two sides of a calm quiet arch all held together, all happy and dancing.
Balanced and sure, sweet and strong
Aware of this fragile fortune.
And
Now
He is dead so quickly, three weeks of suffering and hope and longing
I'm left, a loose marble shot out in a moment to rattle around so painfully
Ricocheting stupidly, salted with crying
Lost and lonely
Afraid of everything
on my own.
The palliative care team, the death squad
invite you to choose a day to die.
But we hung on to hope two more weeks.
Yes I hear you talking
something about plants
watering
or something else
Its like a film in the next room
Its like I'm behind glass
screaming
and you go on talking
about your happy life
about how life goes on
and I am behind glass
stuck in grief
drowning
hating it.
We made a circle
a strong fortress
and now its broken
and I am toppling.
A ruined broken circle
demolished
salt soaked
bombed
perilous
terror.
Tell Richard Gere I'm free
My husband died quite recently
I need someone to dance with me
I need someone to love me who I love
So much it makes me want to die
To whom I cannot say goodbye.
But if Richard should call by
One short waltz will do
I can pretend it's you.